


I'm A Murderer...

by Kishi (el_o_l)



Series: I Write Sins Not Oneshots [2]
Category: Corpse Party (Video Game), Corpse Party: Tortured Souls
Genre: A mistake from start to finish, Alternate Ending, Angst, Assisted Suicide, CP, Gen, M/M, Mochida Yuka mention, Shinohara Seiko mention, Shishido Yui mention, Suicide, Suzumoto Mayu mention, Triggers, dead title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-05 20:18:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14626280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/el_o_l/pseuds/Kishi
Summary: Alternate ending in which Yoshiki agrees to kill Morishige and suffers extreme guilt afterwards.





	I'm A Murderer...

"Shinozaki!" I yelled, banging on the door furiously. 

I hated this place. It felt like a really long passageway to death, and death was simply picking and choosing who would be next to die. I'd left the room that Shinozaki had claimed to be involving some sort of black magic thing, and the next thing I knew, the door had closed and wouldn't open up again.

"Kishinuma-kun!" I felt Shinozaki pulling on the door on the other side of me, but nothing was working. Then her voice disappeared. It slowly faded, the sound of her yelling, and I couldn't hear anything anymore behind that wretched door.

"Sh-Shinozaki? What happened? Shinozaki!" I gave up banging on the door and looked around to see what I could possibly force it open with. And then, from the direction of the entrance of the corridor, I heard slow footsteps. I didn't want to look, after all that's happened in here, yet I knew I had to. So I slowly turned to face what was making its way towards me. Or rather, who.

"Morishige?"

"Kishinuma..." Morishige looked at me, as calmly as he always did, and stopped walking when he reached the door to where Shinozaki was trapped in. He was dripping with blood, seemingly coming from his arm. It didn't look too good.

"Shit, what happened to you?" I asked. "Your arm, more specifically."

"It broke," he said simply.

"Broke?"

"On a tree branch. And then I hit the ground."

"What?" That video on his phone... I remembered that now. "O-oh... whatever then... it's nice to see you alive and well, I guess. Hell, I thought I'd never say that," I laughed anxiously.

"What are you doing out here on your own?" He asked.

"Oh, yeah! Shinozaki's stuck in here," I explained and tried to ram myself into the door again.

"That won't open."

"Huh?"

"The school closed it. So it won't open until it wants to."

"Fine. We'll just wait. We found a way out, Morishige, and I think that we can actually get home! We met up with Satoshi and Nakashim--"

"That's nice," he stated.

"What's up with you?" He began to walk away and I grabbed his arm. "Hey, hey, I'm talking to you! Where are you going?"

"Nowhere. I'm staying here. In this school." What?

"What? Why? You can't! This school is a living hell!"

"Yeah, and I deserve that after what I've done." W-was he serious? No... no... I was not leaving him here. "Or if you're so worried, I won't live. That damned tree isn't in the way an--"

"I'm not letting you throw yourself out of the window again!" I yelled firmly. "You're coming home with the rest of us!"

"But... I can't leave Mayu here on her own..." he murmured.

"Dude..." I said softly. "That wasn't your fault. If anything, it was mine."

"Don't you think it might count as repentance from the killer?"

"It was a doll, that got the spirits all aggravated, and I said that we should show the damn thing to them in the first place. I don't want to go into detail, but... we could have saved Suzumoto, and we did the exact opposite. I'm sorry."

"It's still my fault for not finding her. And for what I said about her," he said matter-of-factly. "So I'll just stay in here until I die of thirst or famine or something."

"No!"

"YES!" I looked at him in surprise. "What if it was someone close to you, Kishinuma? Someone that changed your life and made it better? Shinozaki, perhaps?" I looked away sadly. "I have to stay here and repent for my sins. And if I die, I die."

"I don't want you to die so slowly and painfully though..." Tears have amazingly formed in my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall. He couldn't die like this... no one deserved to die like this...

"All right then." He reached towards my jacket and put his hand in my pocket.

"Hey, what are you doi--" I started. But then I saw the knife he pulled out. It was mine. My pocket knife for self defense. I'd never used it against anyone before. "How do you know I had that?"

"If you don't want me to commit suicide, then kill me quick," he said calmly.

"What?!"

"You heard me." He handed me the knife and I held it shakily. "If I know anything about this school, as soon as you stab me, chances are that door will open."

"That's sick! I can't do that!" I was so shocked I didn't realize the tears were running down my face. "What the fuck! Are you possessed?"

"Look into my eyes, Kishinuma, and you'll see that I'm completely serious about this." I did as I was told. I wiped my eyes to avoid blurry vision, and I looked in his, and I saw that they weren't washed and cast over like Shinozaki's were when she lost it, or like Saenoki's. The real Morishige wanted this. He wanted me to kill him.

"I... can't..."

"No one has to know. I'm going to die in here anyway, so the sooner I die, the less painful it will be."

"But after deat--"

"I'll get used to it. Living with my sins is going to be so much more painful."

"Morishige!"

"Hurry up. Shinozaki could be in trouble. You've got a lot of reasons anyway, haven't you? To kill me, I mean. Do it for my own sake."

With that, I took a deep breath, shaking all over. I didn't hate Morishige. I didn't always like his personality, or the way he did things, but... he was my friend. I knew he wouldn't be happy in a world without Suzumoto...

... so that's why I stuck the knife in him. He gasped and clutched his stomach.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I cried.

"No... it's fine... that'll... do it..." he choked out. "Listen... I'm going to fall down this hole in the floor... and... when I do... you're gonna kick that door open and yell... to muffle me..."

"Please..."

"Goodbye..." I wiped my eyes furiously as he said that to me. I knew how deep that hole in the floorboards were, so when he fell, I kicked the door open when I knew he would have hit the ground. It sounded louder than I thought it would, so I must have been spot on.

"Shinozaki!" I yelled. I could hear Morishige screaming as quietly as he could at the same time, just about. Shinozaki couldn't, and neither could Yui-sensei, because they were holding on for dear life. The floor had opened up. A trapfloor, rather than a trapdoor. 

We got back. Shinozaki, Satoshi, Yuka, Nakashima and I. We got back. The rest of us didn't. They're gone. No one else remembered them. There was no trace of them, no photographs or videos or files or anything. Shinozaki thought it was all her fault. I told her it wasn't.

"I've killed them all!" She once sobbed. "All of our friends... they're dead because of me!" She was wrong, because she didn't kill any of them.

A month or two after the incidents of Tenjin, the guilt of what I had done had grown considerably large. No one else knew what happened to Morishige. What annoyed me was that no one asked. Maybe they'd all thought that he died when he jumped out the window. He'd gone insane then, so I guess nobody wanted to talk about it. Insanity was a scary thing.

There's nothing really worth mentioning. School became tiring and worthless. Maybe I should have just dropped out in tenth grade. Seems a lot more sensible now. None of them noticed though. I had been a lot quieter because I was afraid I might end up saying something wrong and go to jail. I didn't want to, but, at the same time, I didn't care.

They didn't notice that I was different, because we all were after such traumatizing events. Satoshi and I had been trying to forget it and act positive around Nakashima and Shinozaki in an attempt to lift their moods, but it never worked. We kept doing so anyway. Perhaps we were trying to kid ourselves that we would be alright. It seemed Satoshi's kid sister was fine, at least, since she never really knew anyone who was killed. Must have been scary though for a little girl like her.

But eventually, eventually... I lost it. And I couldn't keep it in any longer. Because in the long term, things got worse between us, and there were more fights, more tears, more arguments over those we had lost.

"I can't do this anymore!" Nakashima weeped into Satoshi's shirt. Satoshi was trying to comfort her, I could tell, but he wasn't doing a very good job.

"Naomi... believe me, it wasn't your fault," he whispered.

"But...Seiko..."

"It wasn't you. It was a ghost, remember?"

"No! That's not an excuse! I shouldn't have left her in there!"

"Nakashima-san, you can't blame yourself. It was my own fault anyway," Shinozaki murmured. Oh, for gods sake. Tension was building up in me slowly. "I was the one who got the charm, I suggested we do it, and now I need to be held responsible."

"Shinozaki, we've already talked about this," I said angrily, sweating. "It was that Saenoki's fault, if any. There was no way you could have possibly known what a damned paper doll could do."

"Kishinuma-kun, you aren't really helping." I sighed and looked back towards Nakashima, who was still crying.

"I don't care anymore, alright? I get that you're all upset, I really do, but you can't blame yourselves. You haven't done anything wrong!"

"Yoshiki--" Satoshi started.

"If you all think it's your duty to make sure other people stay alive in a situation where you don't even know what's happening, you're wrong. Nakashima, Shinozaki, you didn't kill anyone yourselves. So the victims did not die at your feet, okay?"

"But... with my own hands... I killed Seiko..." Nakashima cried. I started shaking and put my hands on the side of my head to steady myself.

"Please... just stop..."

"I'm as good as any murderer!"

"STOP!" They fall silent and tears began to form in my eyes again.

"Yoshiki... what's wrong?" Satoshi asked.

"I can't... you can't live with that fake guilt... when you didn't even kill someone..." I choked out.

"Huh?" Shinozaki murmured.

"I..." I couldn't even get it out, how ridiculously bad I felt. There was no better way to say what I did.

"Kishinuma-kun?"

"I killed Morishige," I whispered hoarsely. 

"What?"

"Without... possession, or the darkening... or for survival... I just..." Tears started falling down my face. I took the knife out of my pocket and span it across the floor far away from me. "I'm no better than a murderer... Nakashima... so don't say..."

"You... you really did that?" Satoshi asked cautiously. I let out a choked sob and sat down with my head in my hands.

"I didn't want to... I didn't want to..."

"But... the video... what happened there?" Shinozaki asked worriedly.

"He said... he said he jumped out of a window. He broke his arm... shit, why did..." I couldn't even piece my own sentences together. I only prayed that no one else would come up to the school roof. I was scared to look up. I didn't want to see the looks on their faces. "Just... leave me... I don't want to hurt anyone..."

By then I heard footsteps. They really started to walk away.

"Naomi?" Satoshi hissed.

"What? He said so, right? And... look at him. He literally killed one of our friends. Worse than what I did... to Seiko... so... what if... he turns on us?" Nakashima stated quietly. I sank my head and arms further into my lap.

"She's right. It's Kishinuma, though, isn't it?" Oh god, not Shinozaki too. But I didn't blame her. I didn't blame either of them. She walked away too.

"Yoshiki..." I then felt a hand on my shoulder. "There's got to be some explanation for this, right?" Satoshi queried.

"No... it wasn't right... to listen to him..." I cried.

"What did he say to you?"

I then told him everything.

"He came up... whilst Shinozaki and Yui-sensei were stuck in a room. And... we talked... and then he said that... he wouldn't leave Heavenly Host. I tried to convince him... not to, but he... said that he'd either die of thirst... or jump out the window. I didn't want either, so he took the knife... and he told me to do it... quickly so he would... be in as little pain... as... possible..."

"Morishige... I can't believe he'd go to that..." Satoshi murmured.

"He didn't want to leave Suzumoto... but I should have... I should have taken him anyway... I did the wrong thing." I calmed down slightly and I lifted my head, wiping my eyes as I looked slowly at Satoshi. He didn't seem angry. A little scared perhaps, because he was looking at a killer, but it was mostly an expression of concern and sadness.

"Wow..."

"I'm sorry... I'm... I'm such an idiot..."

"No, I wouldn't sa--" Thoughts came flying into my head. I couldn't believe that I'd been so unaware before.

"No, I did the wrong thing ages ago. I should never have made friends with you lot," I babbled. Satoshi started to argue, but I wasn't finished, so I kept talking over him. "I can't believe that I actually thought I could have changed my life. I've just ended up killing an innocent. One of our friends. And I've taken them away from you." I turned around and made my way to the door inside.

"Wait, Yoshiki, you're kidding, right? Where are you going?"

"Im going home. I'm going to drop out of school since I have no place here and no grades to earn, and I'm going to cry in my bed until I can't afford the rent for my apartment anymore, and then I'm going to stay on the streets until I starve to death," I blurted out to him, still walking away.

"Nuh uh." He put a hand on my shoulder and span me back around.

"What more could you possibly want with me?"

"You come to school tomorrow, okay? I'll talk to the girls, and we'll sort this out."

"I don't want to. They won't forgive me. You shouldn't start acting nice, you have to be mad," I babbled.

"Well, I guess what happened to Morishige wasn't a good thing, but... you wanted what was best for him, right?" Satoshi asked.

"Well, yeah... but..." It wasn't the right decision. I wanted him back here, with me... "What?"

"What?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, nothing," I said quickly. That was a weird ass thought. What the hell? "I'll come to school tomorrow, then. But don't expect me to be happy about it."

"Yoshiki?"

"What?" That seemed to be the key question today.

"Should you have never made friends with us, Shinozaki would have been dead right now, because she would have been all alone. And it was pretty much just you two who found the exit out of that school, so if you weren't around, we wouldn't have never found it. And if we did, it would have taken much longer, and I can say that there would have most definitely been less survivors if you were not here."

There were tears in his eyes. I made this day a lot worse than I should have done. I turned around and walked away properly. He was wrong. Morishige would have still been alive if it wasn't for me, and I can't forgive myself for that.

The wind blew slightly in my hair. I was just out of town, on the pathway of a bridge going across towards the town and outwards into the forest. I leant on the wooden frames, my arms straight as they gripped onto it. It was weeks after I had admitted my crime. They hated me. They said they forgave me, but the look in their eyes... it was of despise. I couldn't do anything to bring Morishige or anyone else back; I couldn't repent for my sins; And the few, few friends I had left; they would never look at me and see a well-meaning person. There was nothing left to live for. Even if I hadn't told them what I'd done, I thought it would have still ended up this way. I couldn't imagine a life without them. And we were living it. And I couldn't do it a second longer.

I hoisted myself up, the bridge fence creaking slightly under my weight. It was old. If it were to crumble and fall now, I wouldn't be so resistant towards the idea - in fact, I'd welcome that with open arms. For the longest time I could have possibly imagined, I stared out at the murky water. For so many years, I told myself I would carry on, that I wouldn't die like this. Through every hateful minute I spent in my parents' house, through being kicked out and working ridiculous hours in the local music store, through school, which I upmost despised due to being surrounded by judgmental people that would constantly target me. Well, they would just have to find someone else now.

I wasn't crying or anything. I don't think I was even remotely upset at what I was about to do. A little angry that I'd gone against myself, sure. I was not afraid of death, however. I was not afraid to lean forwards, let go of the rails and plunge into that horrid river water, never to submerge again. I didn't care. No one else did. This life, without my friends...

Oh, who am I kidding? I could deal with that. It would be just like 10th grade all over again. The loner, skidding through school with low but pass-worthy grades, only looking to get out the way everybody else did. Piece of cake. But I couldn't deal with murder. I couldn't deal with that burden. Even if no one were to find out (which they wouldn't, should Satoshi, Shinozaki and Nakashima keep their mouths shut), I just couldn't bear it somehow. I was a horrible person. Perhaps the fact that it was Morishige made it so much worse...  
I had too much respect for him to ever dig too deep with my words, despite how much he looked down on and degraded me. He was the snootiest boy I'd come across in this school. Perhaps... perhaps he was the spitting image of what I would have been like if I'd just listened to my parents, minus the whole prancing around on stage thing.

I sighed. I'd already gone over this too many times by myself. It was too late now. Morishige was gone because of my own hands. I took one of his human rights. And he had a special place in my heart anyway - not that way, of course - because of the personality he had. I argued with him all the time, simply for the reason that I didn't want him to turn out like me. Well, I succeeded.

I deserve this now. I removed my hands from the worn blocks of the wooden bridge fence. I sat there a few seconds longer. It would be over now. I had tried so hard to make my life go in some kind of direction, but it never worked out. I saw now, that it would never turn out well. So that was why I took a deep breath, and I pushed myself of the bridge harshly, and I hit the river, the water flying up on impact. I sank slowly to the bottom, still gasping and retching for air. I was mentally slapping myself, for that wasn't what I wanted. Still, the human body did that on instinct. No one saved me. No one dived in, screaming my name and pulling me out, forcing my lungs to inhale air. That stuff only happened in the movies, although I had saved Shinozaki like that back in the elementary school. But I wanted to do that. If anyone had seen me fall, they had the choice, and they chose not to help me, not to care enough to. I silently thanked them. My vision became stirred and hazy, my limbs stiff and weary. Finally.

I'm so sorry, Morishige...  
He had a life ahead of him, whilst I did not.  
It should have been me. So... I prayed that Shinozaki would find a way to bring them back. They could finally live their life in peace. I wouldn't wreck it up like I seemed to with everyone I touched.

Silence...

**Author's Note:**

> I've come extremely close to deleting this many a time. I apologise for my godawful portrayal of Yoshiki and apathy towards life. Since reading these old oneshots I promise I've sworn against writing in first person ever again, even for original stories. Leave kudos if you enjoyed or give feedback in the comments :)


End file.
